Goo Goo G'joob city

I'm a (the) Daddy

2008-02-26T16:10:00.003Z

Questions that need answering

2007-10-29T14:19:00.001Z

Do day old Prawn Crackers change their name and become Prawn Chewies?

The Real Heroes

2007-08-07T09:27:00.001Z

Solution to so many problems

2007-07-04T23:37:00.000Z

It seems as if every other week there is a news report about how our prisons are over crowded, so convicted felons are are having to be released early to allow new in, or worse still just being given cautions or fines etc...

Well I have the solution, bring in an eight hour shift pattern and send the inmates to work (ideally in chain gangs - after all who can cause trouble after eight hours hard labour), cleaning up the streets (the country is a mess), repairing the transport networks or other menial tasks that the government is always harping on about that there are not enough resources or manpower to cope with the demand. In fact it could create more jobs as extra guards would be required to supervise.

This way the inmates are contributing back to society rather than getting a free ride in prison, getting an education (I'd love to be able to study for free), playing PlayStation's, learning new hot wiring/lock picking skills or getting drunk or high on the bountiful drugs and booze apparently available in the prisons. Yes they can be paid for the work but this means they have to give say a generous 100% to the prisons for their bed and board (after all it costs to house one prisoner in the region of £40K per annum) also in some cases some of the earned money could be paid to the victims of crime as compensation. After all crime is sometimes contributed to the fact that people don't have anything to do - well now they have something to do.

In reality each two man cell could house three (a shift pattern of say 2pm-10pm, 10pm-6am, 6am-2pm) - this increases possible prison placement by a third. If needed be send em out on 12 hour shifts and you could double the prison capacity , and at least then prison would be more of a punishment and possible deterrent.

It's a great solution, everyone wins. The prison places increase (at no real extra cost), a prison sentence becomes more of a deterrent than it currently is, the tax payer saves money and much needed improvements to the country can happen. Okay your going to get all these namby pamby human rights do gooders complaining, but surely they have forfeited their rights by committing the crime. Anyhow most people work 8-10hr days so it's no different really. I'm not saying house them in dungeons, just make them work hard to pay for their keep.

There that was an easy one to sort out, now let's try for world peace.

Lets have a look at what you could have won!

2007-06-25T14:23:00.000Z

Just came across something that I just have to share (with all 2 of you that occasionally read this).

WEDIGTV.COM

Just how cool is this, you can be a contestant on all those really good but cheesy game shows of yesteryear that you always secretly wanted to be on such as:

The Price is Right with that squeaky voiced guy - shame it should of been Leslie Crowther really.

Bullseye with Jim "Keep out of the black and in the red, nothing in this game for 2 in a bed" Bowen.

Blockbusters with Bob "can I have a 'P' please" Holness.

Countdown with the Des Lynam and Carol Vorderman - again would of been superb with the late great Richard Whiteley.

CatchPhrase with Roy "say what you see" Walker.

Family Fortunes with Vernon Kay again should of been Bob Monkhouse or Max Bygraves.

They are all really well done and spliced with good quality video footage (even the ad breaks between rounds are true to real TV here in the UK).

The humour is still there with them, even the really poor prizes on Bullseye.

It brings up the question of who are the real icons in society today? Big Brother/X factor contestants, The Beckhams etc who are these people compared to the iconic heroes of Holness, Bygraves, Bowen, Whiteley and Crowther. Bring back the game show - this reality TV rubbish is dead, past it's sell by date. Our TV viewing needs to be led by great figureheads, welcoming us with an instantly recognisable catchphrase and holding our hands as we oooh and aaah our way through the prize selection on a Saturday night. We don't want to be entertained by mediocre show offs grasping for fame by any means, we want to see the sheetmetal worker from Wolverhampton winning a speedboat that he has absolutely no use for.

Take a look, pull on those Farah trousers, splash on the Brut, crack open a can of Skol or pour yourself a Snowball and pretend it's 1984 all over again.

Answers

2007-06-20T11:30:00.000Z

I just read this blog entry of K.Restoule

Here are some my answers to help his obviously tormented mind.

1) Yes and they stink to the high heavens above.

2) So you can keep an eye out for it and not leave bear poop footprints on the living room rug.

3) All those after dinner speeches I expect.

4) This would take a whole new list to cover.

5) To help people with speech impediments I guess.

6) Prince or Prince Will?

7) No idea never seen him angry.

8) This a good one so settle down:

Once upon a time, there was a meeting of all dogs in all the world. As each dog entered the great hall they each removed their tails and hung them on the tail hooks provided (makes sitting down for long periods easier).

Now unknown to the dogs the cats had heard about this meeting and decided on causing a bit of mayhem by setting off the fire gongs. So on hearing this the dogs all jumped up and ran from the building (to the appropriate fire meeting points) and whilst passing the hooks they all grabbed a tail.

Now in the rush the tails had been mixed up and they all had to check each others tails to find their own (some have never been found). So since that day dogs check each others tails to make sure they have the right one and as a symbolic gesture of that event. Also this is why the dogs have it in for cats now as they have been stuck with a smelly greeting rather than a pawshake or nose rub.

9) Yeah especially when the tin can be mixed up with that expanding foam filler (a very dangerous prank), but it doe shave more flavour.

10) Used to make me smile too until I saw "Naked Lunch".

11) He's a tight arse with out phone credits.

12) The law of probability states that the first was so bad the second can only get better. Or was it that the Ethnic Cultural Cinema Society had some money left over at the end of the tax year so they gave it to the rednecks.

13) I didn't know she had an apartment in your block.

The last two I have no idea on.

There I hope that is some help to you K.

Please make this film

2007-06-12T14:03:00.000Z

Aaargh - I hate computers

2007-05-18T14:21:00.000Z

I've been playing about with a few new operating systems at home. Namely Windows Vista Home Premium, Ubuntu (Feisty Fawn), Debian (Sarge and Etch) and I've come to the conclusion that things are getting harder and harder with regards to driver support.

Either hardware is too old (re my webcam and Vista) or just not supported (Creative X-fi soundcard and Ubuntu), or sata drives aren't supported without fiddling about with floppy disk (most of the pc's I have do not have now) or slipstreaming the drivers onto the disc(re XP etc). Bring back the Commodore64, I don't mind having to turn the cassette tape over halfway through install or even having to rewind and start again at the read error, it had an OS that worked!

Ok so the pc isn't exactly your standard run of the mill, it's a real mix of old and new, [AMD Opteron 265 processor, Compro Video dual tv-tuner card, Creative X-fi soundcard, Nvidia 7600GT graphics etc... all in a nice Silverstone HTPC case] all I want to do is make a decent media pc so that we can record and watch tv, dvd's etc.

Ok I know the scope of drivers required is getting larger all the time, but come on. I'd really like Creative to pull their finger out and get some Linux drivers out for their range of soundcards (not even new been around for at least a year or more). Then I could use the Vista on my other pc so as to take advantage of future DirectX10 capabilities in games etc.

All I want is everything and now, is this so bad.

I suppose whilst I'm at the install stage I might aswell have a look at the copy of Longhorn provided the download completed.

I want one

2007-05-10T15:22:00.000Z

This is going to the top of my Christmas wishlist

The Perfect Birthday Card for My Sis

2007-04-17T21:26:00.000Z

I saw this and laughed so much in the shop, there were tears in my eyes and I had to move from the display so that the lady next to me wouldn't spy the stupid card I had just picked up.

It is the perfect card for my sis on her birthday, as it depicts a scene from her/Vics* and their boyfriends future ........... The Day when all the fart jokes become insignificant.

You see at the moment we have a running joke about whose boyfriend/girlfriend* is the most flatulent - I probably win by a nose.

To me this is almost the perfect joke, it sets up a scene of such seemingly simple sincerity and expectation then smashes it down with the absurd and slightly gross (but not too offensive), all in three lines.

(*delete as appropriate)

Taggin' Weird

2007-03-29T13:50:00.000Z

I was Tagged too!

I’ve been tagged from Canada . That’s even farther than Bognor Regis. Heck I think it’s too much pressure for me to handle, so I should ask K what the Hell he's playing at.

6 weird things I’ve done or still doing:
(1) Jumped round the apartment, making monkey noises and shouting baboon, whilst baring my derrier and slapping it till it's red (usually whilst Vics is on the phone).
(2) Answered the door to the Jehovah Witnesses wearing a priests collar and not much else.
(3) Had pictures taken of myself and Vics' cross-dressing brother, in just a pinny doing the housework in her stepdad's flat, while they were on honeymoon. Then printed all the pictures out and inserted them into every single frame in the flat.
(4) Cupped my balls, whilst thinking of things to put in this list. (It helps me concentrate, hence why I don't think much in public).
(5) Eaten insects.
(6) Gotten so wasted that I've woken up in a strangers bath, a field in Italy, the back seat of my car (even though it was parked outside my house).
(7) Slept in every room in my house (including kitchen, bathroom, downstairs toilet and shed), just because I could!
(8) Fallen asleep standing up, again just because I can.
(9) Entered 9 weird things in a 6 item list (I probably could go on, but Vics has told me to stop thinking/cupping).

6 people i'm tagging (whether you have been tagged or not!)
(1) K
(2) Vics
(3) K

I won't put this kind of pressure on anyone else, so 3's enough.........also I don't know that many other bloggers. So if you stumble across this and want to give it a go feel free, just leave me a comment so I can have a look.

Knock, Knock

2007-03-23T11:58:00.000Z

Just spent the other night drunk in a pub telling bad jokes....it was great.

Q: What's red and invisible?
A: No strawberries

Q: What do you get if you cross a sheep, kangaroo and a bag of cement?
A: A woolly jumper

But what about the cement?

It just makes it harder!

Q: Why did the Elephant paint his balls red?
A: So he could hide in the cherry tree.

Q: What's the loudest noise in the Jungle?
A: A Giraffe eating cherries.

Two televisons got married. The wedding was boring bur the reception was great.

Q: What do you call a female Chinese postal worker?
A: Mai-ling

Q: What's round and bad-tempered?
A: A Vicious circle

Just some of the crap I have to put up with on a night out! I love it!

Some people have too little to do

2006-11-25T18:28:00.000Z

It's been on the news recently that Trading Standards are threatening a company with legal action over the name of it's sausage product The Welsh Dragon Sausage!

Oh come on do they really think that Joe public would honestly think that a sausage would contain Dragon! Well apparently it's to help stop vegetarians mistakenly buying the product (even though the ingredients list states it contains pork), if those veggies don't have the strength to read the label maybe they need a bit of meat protein in their diet in the first place! Anyhow they're buying a sausage if they want to be vegetarian stay away from what is traditionally a meat based item. Anyhow why do vegetarians have products that claim to be just like meat in flavour and texture etc doesn't this defeat teh whole point of being vegetarian in which case just eat a steak for gods sake!

So watch out Yeti burgers or Unicorn ribs it could be you next!Having said that what is it to be next? Angel Delight having to state that no angels are contained in the product/ Kellogg Cornflakes having to remove the rooster from it's packet as no chicken is in it/Uncle Joe's Mint Balls renamed as Uncle Joe's balls aren't minty (I'd like to see them test that one!)/Fry's Turkish delight rebranded as Fry's Brummie Delight as it's made in Bourneville, Birmingham and not Turkey.

This brings out the worst in me I absolutely loathe the amount of unnecessary bureaucratic crap that goes on in the World. Yes I can see the point of only sparkling white wine from the champagne region of France being allowed to be called champagne, or stilton cheese coming from the traditional stilton regions, but EU laws stating that a banana can only be called a banana if it is so long and not too bent (it's supposed to be curved it's a banana, it's how it grows).
Trading Standards, EU directives, Health and Safety and most politicians and civil servants would be on my list of things I'd like to dump in room 101 and personally slaughter with a minigun in one hand, a rare steaksandwich in the other and cigar hanging out of my mouth!

Vive la revolution!

Things I'd like to see

2006-11-11T14:04:00.000Z

We went to a fireworks display the other day at Buile Hill Park (never been before and not really sure where it is, somewhere in North Manchesterish).

Anyway it was a huge gathering of people the park was packed, everyone heads turned up to the sky, ooohing and aaaahing at the firework display overhead.

This brings me to what I'd like to see:

Whilst everyone's heads are craning to the skies for the next 30 or so minutes, the local kids should shuffle about tieing all the shoelaces together.
Just imagine the awesome sight at the end as a crowd of a thousand more people all make a dash for the exit as the last bang goes off and all just topple over - I'd pay good money to see that, it should be in a film!

I'm moving to Norway

2006-05-27T16:09:00.000Z

Ok I've been to Norway the once and really loved it, the scenery is awesome, plenty of snow for long periods of the year so some really good skiing and snowboarding can be had. There has only been one problem that has held me back all this time and that was the price of alcohol - it's one of the most expensive places in the world to drink, and I must admit I do like the occasional snifter.

Not anymore though, as a young lady found out one day when she turned on her taps to find not water flowing out but glorious golden beer. Hallelujah, party on!

What really happened was her apartment was above a bar and some considerate fellow had somehow connected up her mains water pipe to the beer line!

Now what I would of done was call up my mates and have a party, unfortunately the bar downstairs managed to get a plumber out to reconnect the water - damn Norwegian efficiency. If that had happened in the UK you would of still been able to party on, as the plumber wouldn't of been able to get to you until a week on Tuesday and still would of shown up 6 hrs late. Then again if it probably has happened already in the US but no-one has noticed as their beer tastes of water anyway!

For the real story and facts go to BBC News

It's been a while

2006-05-06T10:21:00.000Z

Ok so I've been busy.....not. Just couldn't be motivated to post - well had nothing interesting to put up.

"So why are you posting now?", I hear you say.

Well, because I saw this and I want to see if anyone will/has tried this with any success.

I bring you The TV Sniper

How cool is that just sitting staring out your window changing your neighbours TV channels or turning them off... just watch the TV repair men come in their thousands, well ok tens!

So I'm off to get myself a programmable remote control and a pair of binoculars( despite what some of you may think, I do not own a pair of perving goggles), some shares in Dixons Helpline and visit to a building opposite some flats!

Transformer, Skiers in Disguise

2006-04-11T08:13:00.000Z

Would anyone really want to dress up as a transformer and try to break the landski speed record? Yes a certain Harry Egger with help from Red Bull would - in my opinion he should lay off the Red Bull for a bit.

For full story see Ananova

Lakeland Pics .........at last

2006-04-09T12:57:00.000Z

Yes here they are, not very good plenty of red eye (but that is from the drink I think!) and they won't mean much to many of you.

We spent the weekend (Friday 24th - Monday 27th March) in Windermere huddled up in a pretty good and spacious caravan/trailer, may become some kind of trailer trash as they only cost £30K.

We then went upto the Cumbrian coast on the Monday/Tuesday via Muncaster Castle (Owl Sanctuary) and Sellafield.

To see the rest of the photo's check out My Photopages in the sidebar.

To the lakes and beyond

2006-03-22T09:31:00.000Z

I just can't wait! Why? Because I've got a long weekend up in the Lake District this weekend with a group of buddies, so hopefully there shall be much merriment involving drinking of thee cup (plenty of booze), bold deeds (arsing about in the water and hills), and slaying of dragons (again drinking).

So look out for some new blog entries (finally) and plenty of pics.

Thank You Google

2006-03-14T14:41:00.000Z

As Google helped me out so much I'm going to promote their Google Pack.

It's a good line up of free software.

Great Blogging Tip

2006-03-14T13:42:00.000Z

As you can see from my previous post I had a little trouble with lost images/data.

Well I found out that Google has a great life/blog saving feature..... caching!

If you ever have any trouble with your blog and want to go back a step or two just go to Google and type in the URL of your website/blog. Under the search result you are given the option to look at Google's own cache. Hey presto your taken back to their last webcrawl and hopefully you can grab that data back!

Help! .......................Please Please Me

2006-03-12T05:57:00.000Z

I've gone and lost some of the Images used in the template of my blog (something about hotlinking image quotas with Imageshack). I'm not sure if anyone out there will have the item cached away anywhere (probably not if your looking at this).

The offending pic is named contentbglrg4gd.jpg

It was the background image to this content column.

Note to self
Make complete backup of all Blog Items
Do not use imageshack

We have snow......just need Yak now

2006-03-04T12:43:00.000Z

I need some help folks. We have snow here, so I've sourced the perfect tree topped hill with clear run from the bottom to said trees.

Now all I need:

1) 500+ metres of good rope.
2) Two harnesses (one Person sized, one Yak sized).
3) Bag of nuts (the type that drive Yak's wild).
4) One hungry Yak.

So if you could keep an eye on the small ads and ebay it would be much appreciated.

Yak Skiing

2006-02-24T22:31:00.000Z

Now this is what I call an extreme sport. How cool is this! Tying yourself to a 2 tonne ranting, steaming ball of hair and sinew. Creating a primitive pulley round a tree and then getting it to basically charge at you (the yak, not the tree). Then I guess you just better stay on those ski's.

It raises so many questions, like:

Who says satellite television doesn't educate? This hill famer had to get the idea somewhere.
What happens half way up (surely you have to meet the mad yak at some point).
What is stopping the rests of the herd from charging?
How much does it cost?
What's the Apres-ski like?
Would it work with the Milka cow?

No one is Safe Now!

2006-02-22T07:34:00.000Z

I know your not supposed to laugh at anothers misfortune but I saw this on the news last night and it just got to me.

Floor Collapse during Health and Safety Meeting

UK Smoking Ban or Beagle Persecution?

2006-02-15T13:56:00.000Z

Oh an up to date, current affairs blog entry - now that's a first!

It's all to do with a bill passed late last night on the possibilty of a total smoking ban in public places, see the bbc news pages for more details.

Ok it won't be implemented until the summer of 2007, but at last our government has made a good decision (in my view) - they quite like banning stuff actually, like fox hunting. Oh hang on I think they must have it in for Beagles. As when the fox hunting ban came in it left a lot of Beagles with nothing to do, so it was back to the lab for a cigarette (rather than running around in the fresh air). What are they going to do now that smoking is banned? Turn to street crime probably and collect as many ASBO's as possible! Aargh the end is nigh, old age pensioners terrorized by packs of marauding Beagles!

So is the ban a good thing? Look at it this way, we are in the middle of a pension crisis with people living too long for the system to cope, so maybe a kind of backdoor population cull via smoking is still needed? Also you have to be pretty stupid/weak willed etc to smoke, and as smoking lowers your fertility it could mean fewer stupid people - a kind of Natural selection process - weed out the weak!

I still think it's a good idea, as I like to go out and the fact that a lot of the time I have to do it in an unhealthy and unpleasant atmosphere (coming home stinking of fags), can only be a good thing for us non-smokers. Maybe this will spring up some kind of "speak easy" joints like in the days of prohibition in the US - I have no problem with this as long as all the staff hired are smokers too.

One thing I heard a while back was some smoker harping on about the fact that basically they are keeping the NHS, schools etc going by all the tax they pay on the humble packet of twenty, and that he has always paid N.I. (National Insurance). So he should be first in line for heart transplants. My views on that are "So what?" It's completely your choice to smoke, you know the risks, get used to it! Don't expect any special favours just because you've paid in more to the system - what about the high earners paying more in tax and N.I. each year - surely they should get preferential treatment too then (oh hang on they can afford to fork out even more on private health care!).

Anyway N.I. is insurance after all, by that token shouldn't smokers, racing drivers, lion tamers pay a higher premium? If I went to an Insurance salesman and asked for parachute insurance and told them that I liked to do it without a parachute. Yes I know their is a high fatality risk (just like smokers). He'd laugh in my face and tell me to politely p*** off.

Corr, that when on a bit, so much for Bloggers Block today, that was a right old rant!

Beware the Beagle with time on it's hands PM Blair

Errm...Um...scratch....nope

2006-02-13T23:49:00.000Z

Bloggers Block at the moment

Superb Prank

2006-02-02T22:04:00.000Z

Ok I saw this and just had to share it with y'all.

Some guy was trying to pull a stunt on ebay and scam an Apple G4 Powerbook from a genuine seller. Unfortunately he tried it on with the wrong guy.

All I can say he deserved all that he got (and more), how great it is to see the internet community pulling together to get these thieves.

Well enough jabbering just read on, it's a long one but well worth following the story to the end.

The Powerbook Prank

The Best Blonde Joke In The World Ever!

2006-01-18T23:49:00.000Z

This is so the best blonde joke in the world.

Question?

2006-01-14T14:44:00.000Z

Why in this country (UK) are you presumed gay if show an a little style?

I was having this conversation with a friend, as he had a leather clutch bag. These are very popular in Italy, especially among business men, for carrying papers etc. I have also left a comment elsewhere about something similar (I can't remember where!).

We just can't work it out. In nature the fellas are the glammed up ones to attract a mate. Most birds, take the peacock for instance even Lions have the fancy hair-do. But when it comes to the homosapien, you must be *whistles gay boy (sorry I don't mean to offend anyone, just trying to use blokey phrases).

One reason might be shows like "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy", putting into the mindset that only gay can be trendy (though I reckon this was already in place). We also thought that it might be something to do with artistic types (fashion designers, hair dressers etc) have seemed to traditionally show homosexual tendencies.

So I say the Trendy Bloke should stand up for themselves and be counted, lets let the world know we can be stylish!

Big Brother Wisdom

2006-01-11T19:58:00.000Z

I don't usually hold an interest for Big Brother but at the moment there is a Celebrity (not A-list more like T and lower) edition.

I have been told a quote from one of the contestants that is an absolute gem.

Pete Burns (80's singer and transvestite/sexual etc), was heard saying (bearing in mind there are a fair few 20 watt (a bit dim) women in the Big Brother complex with him;

"You can take the Ho to culture, but you can't make her think."

Priceless, when I was told I couldn't stop laughing, no doubt I'll be quoting it at every opportunity for the next month or so.

1001110001000 hits

2006-01-11T11:16:00.000Z

O yeah baby I've just made 5,000 hits. Ok granted_4,853 of them were me checking upto see when I'd get MMMMM or is it V hits. (That just took me ages to line up the V and the _ then again under a different screen resolution it'll probably be miles off rather than just a little askew). I just should of been even geekier and gone with 1388 for you hex fans! Oh how sad am I? Ubergeek! or is it cool to be geek nowadays, I've no idea I'm that old and geeky and going creeky. I'll get me pipe and slippers and have a nice horlicks.

"Rock on Geek Chic"

FBI - can I take your order?

2006-01-10T16:56:00.000Z

This made me laugh. It's supposed to be a true transcript released from the FBI archives, it doesn't matter if it is true or not though as it is so funny.

FBI agents conducted a raid of a psychiatric hospital in San Diego that was under investigation for medical insurance fraud. After hours of reviewing thousands of medical records, the dozens of agents had worked up quite an appetite. The agent in charge of the investigation called a nearby pizza parlor with delivery service to order a quick dinner for his colleagues.

The following telephone conversation took place and was recorded by the FBI because they were taping all conversations at the hospital.

Agent: Hello. I would like to order 19 large pizzas and 67 cans of soda.
Pizza Man: And where would you like them delivered?
Agent: We're over at the psychiatric hospital.
Pizza Man: The psychiatric hospital?
Agent: That's right. I'm an FBI agent.
Pizza Man: You're an FBI agent?
Agent: That's correct. Just about everybody here is.
Pizza Man: And you're at the psychiatric hospital?
Agent: That's correct. And make sure you don't go through the front doors. We have them locked. You will have to go around to the back to the service entrance to deliver the pizzas.
Pizza Man: And you say you're all FBI agents?
Agent: That's right. How soon can you have them here?
Pizza Man: And everyone at the psychiatric hospital is an FBI agent?
Agent: That's right. We've been here all day and we're starving.
Pizza Man: How are you going to pay for all of this?
Agent: I have my checkbook right here.
Pizza Man: And you're all FBI agents?
Agent: That's right. Everyone here is an FBI agent. Can you remember to bring the pizzas and sodas to the service entrance in the rear? We have the front doors locked.
Pizza Man: I don't think so. [Click]

Happy New Year and blah

2006-01-03T13:00:00.000Z

Well another year gone and I fulfilled so many of my dreams and desires not! I've even taken a step back in many respects so 2006 is going to be a time for change and surging forward for me - but that still doesn't gaurantee regular blog updates.

So good luck to you all for the future.

The Perfect Moment

2005-12-06T12:40:00.000Z

It happened to me yesterday, every so often you get that perfect moment however small. I don't ask for much in life (even less the older I get), but yesterday the planets aligned just for me. You know that moment where everything clicks, that perfectly effortless swing and hole-in-one shot, a 3 point basket to win the game at the last instant, when you catch the ball on a volley and it flies into the back of the net from 30 yards. That first moment where you raise your eyes to meet the gaze of the person you know you are destined to spend the rest of your life with. That time where it all becomes crystal clear, makes sense and wisdom is yours, nirvana, enlightenment, call it what you like.

Ok here's how it happened:

I was in the flat living room, Vics was perched on the edge of the sofa enjoying a cup of coffee. The sun was shining for just a brief instant, the distant chirrup of birds could be heard through the ajar window. I carelessly thumbed a piece of blu-tack.

I don't know why but I just said it, I wasn't feeling particularly lucky, so I've no idea why, but the words "I bet I can get this in your cup from over there" parted from my lips. I strode over to the corner of the room and turned around. I noticed Vics tried to cover her cup with her hand and leant forward in a protective manner. I honestly didn't think I'd get anywhere near but without even the thought "Ah might aswell give it a try" I set the piece of blu-tack on it's effortless flight.....

Time slowed down, the projectile slowly rotated as it traveled it's parabolic path.

There was silence.

I waited.

Vics waited.

The birds outside waited.

Everything stopped.

A small eternity* passed.

PLOP.

Everything seemed to explode as time accelerated to normal speed, except me I was still frozen.

The coffee splashed upwards and over Vics hands and onto the laminate floor. She jumped back swearing at me for being such a kid, something about growing up etc. I don't really know exactly what she was saying as all I could hear was the ringing sound of Plop in my head. Oh what a blissful sound, so right for the moment. It wouldn't of been the great shot that it was if it didn't have that Plop!

At that instant I just felt an inner calm and peace, but at the same time pure undiluted ecstatic happiness.

Vics did not see it quite that way. Infact it took a little persuading for her to see that the coffee wasn't such a big deal - no use crying over spilt cappuccino!

Anyway that was my Perfect Moment..... Plop.

I'm sure Vics account would be completely different, I may ask her to put up her version to compare.

*despite the common belief, eternity does come in different sizes, small, medium and large or is it short, tall and grande now?

Re: Article of the Day - Poodle Hybrids

2005-12-02T22:31:00.000Z

Just noticed in my sidebar the item on Poodle Hybrids. Well it just happens that a buddy of mine has gone and got his daughter a ickle puppy and it's a Jack Russell/Shih Tzu cross, but this article doesn't cover the name for such a dog, so they've called it a Jack Shit - with the running joke:

"What's a Jack Shit?"
"All over the house!"

Bada bing bada bam!

Blast from the Past

2005-12-01T01:01:00.000Z

Never guess what I saw today! Nope, not that (though I would of liked that). I saw a discarded Ring-pull, Pull-tab, Zip top or whatever you want to call it. I saw one lying on the pavement and actually had to double back to check that me eyes weren't playing tricks. You know the type the ones that would always be lying about playgrounds and all over the place after parties etc. The ones that you could break in two and then use the flat piece as a spring to catapult the ring part across the room (you could probably take someone's eye out at twenty paces) - am I the only one to of done this?

nowadays we have the "stuck to the can" type and what a difference these have made to keeping the streets clean. I can't think of many items that have proved so successful - I mean that is what I really call progress - forget about your ipods and mobile phones. All we need now are cigarette filters stays attached to the smoker and chewing gum that dissolves or something and the streets would be spotless!

CATscan

2005-11-26T20:38:00.000Z

Just saw this and it made me laugh.

All that hoo-ha to see if the kitty has Vitamin A deficiency - surely just feeding her a couple of pounds liver would be cheaper and more enjoyable for the pussy..... with onions and a nice bottle of Chianti fnafnafnafanfna!

Research on my Name

2005-11-15T10:32:00.000Z

Ok I know that this is a little self-indulgent, but it was just pure coincidence, really honest. After my appalling search on "Stefanio needs" etc, I received an e-mail with a link to a numerology site. I've given it a go and here's an abridged version of the result (just the best bits)!

Stefanio, your Life Path of 6 ...

"You have a deep love and concern for...nurses."

"Your life path is often filled with...a pillar."

"Like most sixes, you probably were some kind of child prodigy...This is because your brilliant."

"You often marry...obstacles...with children"

"one of your life challenges is to...chew...a fool."

Stefanio, your Expression of 5 ...
Your Potential Natural Talents and Abilities

"You are..blessed with a...mind...problem"

"You are very...nimble..and...also have enormous... situations."

"The last thing that...you will try...leads to...odd...dreams"

Stefanio, your Soul Urge of 4 ...

What You Desire To Be, To Have, and To Do In Your Life

"Your soul...often leaves...a messy room"

"being obsessed with...energy blocks...often results in...you feeling powerless"

"You secretly...keep the fabric...gauged"

"You sometimes forget your own...stench paralyzes"

Pretty darn accurate if you ask me, and I'm usually so cynical to all this mumbo jumbo. Now where did I put my energy blocks nursey?

Car Woes Gone

2005-11-14T11:04:00.000Z

As you may or may not know I've been having a little trouble with my beloved Fiat Coupe (Bananamobile to the heathens amongst you - yes you know who you are). The problem that I've been having is that if left for a couple of days the battery would end up as flat as the chest on a smacked-up teenage supermodel. I couldn't find what the drain could be for the life of me, and just thought the battery was duff and needed replacing (which I did as the continual mains charging definitely killed it off in the end).

After much searching mainly at the Fiat Coupe Forum, I found a post regarding a similar problem and the eventual culprit was discovered to be the boot (trunk) light wasn't turning off when closed. I was left with no option but to test this out by placing my other beloved in the said boot and closing the lid for a few hours. Boy can she be narky, I always thought keeping a wild animal in the dark was supposed to soothe and pacify - how wrong can a guy be. Oh well now both of the ladies in my life growl at me, one when I put my foot to the floor, the other when I put my foot through the door. C'est la vie.

Stefanio wants/needs.........

2005-11-13T18:59:00.000Z

A few of you are doing this at the moment, ie Vics and Caity. I thought it was pretty cool so had a go.

What am I talking about, well using Google (or your search engine of choice), do a search on "[your name] wants", "[your name] needs" and then post what you get.

Interesting, huh maybe a little fun and a little surprising! Well it would be unless your name happens to be Stefanio. Did I get anything - nope not diddle squit!

So I had to take it a step further gets and has came off the bench to give me that last minute equaliser and winner.

I end up with a prolific search harvest of 1 for gets and 2 for has (one of which was a comment on a blog that I had left, so doesn't count - oh and it was very dull)

"Stefanio gets"

Stefanio gets head. - Woooaaaa who's the daddy - not me apparently as it was a typo, bugger.

"Stefanio has"

Your first name of Stefanio has given you....... - At last a genuine entry, and quite interesting really. It's a Kabalistic look at my name's meaning to my life.

Oh well one out of how many entries on the world wide web is pretty special. Reminds me of the old Googlewhack, but alas mine aren't even Googlewhacks. Ho hum.

Just one last thing a kind of request to you all really, give this go, but also slip in stefanio randomly into your blog/webpages at some point, doesn't have to make sense just hide it in those pages - I will be searching, so go forth and spread the word!

New Features to keep you Entertained

2005-11-11T14:00:00.000Z

Ok so I'm absolutely hopeless at this blog thing, but I've found a way to kinda cheat at this and keep you entertained and informed. Check out the new Daily Info alongside - this is automatically updated even if I'm not upto posting entries.

Ah if only life could be that easy!

Recent Keyword Analysis

2005-09-30T09:55:00.000Z

Ok I've not had a look at the stat counter thingy in ages. So I took a peek not expecting much, but hoorah! At last some interesting keyword searches (and quite baffling too). Here's some of the best ones:

Goo Girls featured highly including 1 search for German Goo girl pics

my ooops website nipple - WTF? Where does my blog mention that?

best way to find and stimulate the G spot - ok where does it mention that on my blog? I can't find it anywhere (ooops ooerr - maybe I need to do a search for that myself!)

Ok I'm doing it....

2005-09-29T16:03:00.000Z

I know I've said in the past that I wouldn't partake in these chain mail type things but since this wasn't actually requested of anyone I thought I'd give it a go, courtesy of Rosevibe. So here goes:

1. What colour are your kitchen plates? I've loads and a real mix biege ones, white, white and black, and even some green ones with a floral pattern!

2. What book are you reading now?
Who's Afraid of Beowulf?, Tom Holt

3. What's on your mouse pad?
Periodic Table

4. What's your favourite board game?
Scrabble or Monolopy

5. Favourite magazine?
Big and Bouncy............Castles - you perverts

6. Favourite smell?
oooh so many depends on what I'm feeling like or want to be reminded of so it'll be a list Vanilla, manure, freshly roasted coffee, freshly baked bread, frying bacon, the sea

7. Least favourite smell?
Tripe or pollenta

8. What's the first thing you think of in the morning?
"Ok legs move"

9. Favorite colour(s)?
I have no particulate favourite - they're all good

10. Least favorite color?
see above

11. How many rings before you answer the phone?
Your supposed to answer it when it does that?

12. Future children's names?
Zeus if it's a boy or She-ra for a girl. - who do you think I am!

13. Favourite alcoholic drink?
Again so many but a good G 'n' T takes some beating.

14. What is your sign and birthday?
Aquarius/Capricorn (not sure as kind a changes - think it's called being on the cusp), 20th January.

15. Do you eat the stems of broccoli?
Yes

16. If you could have any job what would it be?
Restaurant critic/Michelin Star judge or El Nino "the greatest Trapese artist in the world"

17. If you could have any colour hair what would it be?
Some hair would be nice

18. Is the glass half full or half empty?
Half full.

19. Favourite movie?
Depends on mood

20. Do you type with the right fingers on the keys?
sometimes

21. What's under your bed?
Suitcase, dust, old laptop, fluff, slippers, feather from the pillow

22. What is your favourite number?
The six that win me that lottery jackpot!

23. What is your single biggest fear?
Being eaten from the inside by thousands of mutant space maggots.

24. Person(s) most likely to respond?
None as I'm not going to put out any requests.

25. Who is least likely to respond?
The World

26. Favourite CD?
again depends on mood - have some good old compilation tapes that I made years back.

27. Favourite TV show?
so many The Simpson's, Scrubs, Green Wing, Futurama, Spaced, South Park, Jeeves and Wooster - mainly comedies really

28. Ketchup or mustard?
mustard (dijon, english or american)

29. Hamburgers or Hot dogs?
Home made hamburgers.

30. Favourite soft drink?
Pear or apricot juice

31. The best place you have ever been?
hard to say - Norway was cool

32. The most amazing sight?
A good big plate of tomato salad

33. What screen saver is on your computer right now?
None - just let it go to power save and turn off monitor.

34. Burger king or McDonald's?
Been ages, but at the moment a Burger King

35. Favourite pet?
Kato - the rabbit

Ok that was tough to do as most of them can't be answered with the single answer and would require a blog entry of their own.

Just reread through and so many of them refer to food - I wonder why?

I'm back...

2005-09-04T23:32:00.000Z

I've been pretty poor with my blogging lately, oops and sorry! So just going to put this up as it's the funniest thing that I've heard in a while. It's from Futurama: Episode Parasite Lost . Fry get's a dose of worm's!

Prof. Farnsworth: If we can stimulate that nerve, the bowel will convulse, expelling the entire worm society.
Hermes: But what about the worms in the other parts of his body?
Prof. Farnsworth: Listen, this is gonna be one hell of a bowel movement. Afterwards he'll be lucky if he has any bones left.

Brand New Blog

2005-07-25T13:55:00.000Z

Ok boys and girls, I've just finished playing about with a new blog page for my family to record the lives of the family's newest members. Please take a peek at Little Cluckers.

We need some help with naming the second chick, so please leave any suggestions on the above pages (nothing too rude).

Robin's Nest update

2005-07-25T13:51:00.000Z

It turns out we have a little bird production line going on. The other day we thought there was an extra head in the nest so up to 4 little hatchlings. Then the other night we had another peek in to see 5 little faces peering out at us - no wonder the parents are looking absolutely shattered!

Watch the Birdie

2005-07-21T13:18:00.000Z

Here's a nice pic from my parents garden. They have a covered area of patio with some wall/hanging baskets of plastic flowers (and yes they have been mistakenly watered by family members looking after the place during holidays - not me I hasten to add). Anyway a couple of Robin Red Breasts have taken up residence there and this is their second clutch of the year; we think there are three little uns there at the moment. I tell you one thing though the amount these little fluffy feathered fellas eat is amazing as both parents are nonstop back and forth from dawn till dusk. They don't seem bothered too much by humans either, we've had barbeques in the back with lights on, people sat round eating and drinking well into the evening. All the robins seem to do is kick up a bit of a fuss if you stand in their usual flight path to the nest, but as soon as you take a step or seat out of the way they just carry on ferrying grubs to the nest.

A funny thing happened on the bus........

2005-06-03T05:17:00.000Z

Well no it didn't actually, and I can't really imagine much fun occurring on a bus no matter where, when or why, unless it was a female beach volleyball world tour bus...*drifts into deep thought*...nah that would never happen.

The reason for this post is a conversation that I had the other day on the subject of how difficult it was to get a bus in certain parts of Europe (we both having extensively traveled through much of Europe).

Having pondered the subject a little I've come to some conclusions for this all. I just think that each European country just likes to make it as hard as possible for travelers (well maybe not Germany - I found their transport system on the whole superb).

Firstly a lot of people only come into contact with public travel whilst away on holiday. So the language thing is a bit of a barrier in the first place. Then bus/train companies like to use dumb terms for the umpteen hundred different ticket types available. Us Brits are probably the worst for it though, come on what does a Supa Day Sava mean to a German tourist who's bothered to learn some real English - you won't find it in a phrase book!

Then there's the fact over here a train ticket will cost so much more if bought on the day rather than purchasing the required ticket 15 weeks ahead! For heaven's sake a standard train ticket from London to Liverpool bought on the day will cost more than a 1^st class exclusive club dub members sir sir gold edition ticket bought 8 weeks in advance? This then brings me to the fact certain tickets can only be bought at certain times of the day (depending on where Mars is in conjunction with Sagittarius rising over my left nipple).

So what happens places like Italy in return decide to make things complicated by having the validation system - whereby bus tickets need to be bought prior to boarding (no-one will tell you this until you've waited 45mins for your bus and try to get on). Then once on the bus you need to validate the ticket yourself otherwise you get a fine (as potentially you could re-use the ticket indefinitely or until a conductor catches you).

Then there's the ambiguity of what counts as the location of a place. Usually only refined to flight travel, such as Frankfurt Hahn airport is actually a good 70 km from Frankfurt. The same can be said for the London airports (Luton, Stanstead) both an easy 40mins from London (I very vaguely remember reading that one of the cheap flight companies are doing flights to a European city but you actually land a few miles across the border in another country!). The worst I've encountered was being dropped off by a coach at a service station on the motorway and having to hike a few miles (carrying backpack and snowboards).

Look all I (we) wanted to do was get on, and say "one ticket to xxxxxxx, please" and pay the lowest price possible, sit down or stand (I don't mind) and get off at a reasonable distance to the location.

It's just all made so complicated for the locals, let alone for visiting travelers. So it really does beg the question why on earth is it called Public travel? When the public can't make head or tail of it all! What really takes the biscuit is that governments would like us to use more public transport (makes sense environmentally), but when it's so hard to figure out (and can cost so much more) no wonder people are reluctant to give up their cars.

The End

Meme thingamajiggies

2005-05-26T12:14:00.000Z

Meme - basically I can't be arsed with. I don't even know how you pronounce it, is it 'me-me' or 'mem'

Ok I know they are great for finding a little bit about a person, and can inspire a bit of a blog entry from the most uninspired blogger (I am the king of lacklustre) - so great. But and it's a big one, it leads to having to read the same entry for 59 different people (blogs of which you wouldn't really interest you in the first place), just to see 1) if anyone has the same thoughts as you. 2) then if someone has put down the same as you may want a change it.

Also I never know when I've been memed as I don't religiously read a lot of blogs, then I hate the guilty feeling of not of blogged immediately. Ok I can't handle the pressure involved, the expectations and let downs. Aaaargh!

Then again I don't have a blogcircle of friends so I wouldn't have anyone to send it on to! Now that is kinda cool or sad - I'm not sure yet.

It's the same as those e-mails you get that insist that if you don't pass it on you'll have umpteen years bad luck, never find love/have sex (you choose), grow extremely long nasal hair etc. I just won't partake on principle! Stubborn me? No, I just can't be arsed!

Art - What were they thinking?

2005-05-17T11:49:00.000Z

The Nicest Thing I've Heard Recently

2005-05-14T09:47:00.000Z

I like to listen to the radio a lot, actually when I'm on my own it's on pretty much on all the time, maybe it's just a comfort thing having a voice on in the background etc. It's a good gauge of age as well as I basically only listen to BBC Radio 2 and Radio 4 nowadays. I think the BBC produces some of the best radio plays, documentaries, comedies and talk shows in the world - take a listen while you blog via the web (actually it's one of the best examples of t'internet and another media format working together really well, mark my words one day televisual programmes will be viewable in the same way - oh they already are).

Anyway back to the purpose of this entry. I was in my car (or was it the kitchen) listening to Wogan - yep I'm a Tog, when they quoted a saying that supposedly a child was heard saying. I want to share it with all you fine folks as I thought it was "the nicest thing I've heard recently" - this is my one and only soppy entry so enjoy it before Mr. Macho gets back.

"When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouth."

Random Word of the Day

2005-05-13T19:32:00.000Z

Flatus

Reason: *parp* 'scuse me..... erm no reason

It's all about Style and Culture

2005-05-11T16:16:00.000Z

So I've played about with the background look of the blog. To keep up with the arty feel to it all I suppose some of the content should reflect this also. I'm thinking about doing an occasional entry with some images of my personal favourite pieces of art work (hopefully I'll be able to borrow some pics from Vics - she's in Madrid and on order to visit the Prado).

So may I present:

Statue of David by Michelangelo
It is perhaps one of the most famous pieces of sculpture in the world today. I was lucky enough to visit Florence and see it for real (although I was only young at the time - must go back at some point). It is an absolute masterpiece, it is almost perfect, proportionally, the pose, the sense of youth and strength. It always brings a smile to my face.

Strange Times #1

2005-05-11T11:55:00.000Z

Dead Zone (New Scientist 7 July 1988)

In the sunshine state of California Robert Hanshew was stopped dead on his tracks recently by the state's highway patrol. He had been driving in one of California's "car pool" lanes. A special lane, invariably faster, which means drivers can use only if they have at least two passengers.

Hanshew, 35, who transports cadavers for a mortuary, told the officer that he had four dozen corpses in the back of his van, and that qualified him to drive in the lane. No, the judge didn't buy it either. Hanshew was fined $58. Hardly a stiff sentence, though.

Keyword Analysis Results

2005-05-07T08:06:00.000Z

I've been having a nosy about and loads of you out there are getting some pretty weird and wonderful keyword search results thrown up. Now I have had nothing more exciting than inkblot or bestman speech, so I am to remedy that by having the occasional strange or perverse topic. Actually do I really want to encourage people looking for turkey milking services, imploding breasts or shirehorse fetishes? Oops too late - Get away you dirty perverts! hehe there's going to be some disappointed folk out there now!

Oh I must be so bored to be doing this.

So to start. A while back there was a series of programmes on channel 5 (where else) on unusual sexual behaviour, you know the stuff wife swapping, beastiality etc. I'm not condoning such behaviour by the way but it did make rather interesting viewing, especially after a few beers and in good company to have a cringe at other peoples antics. Strangely enough the main characters in this documentary were all American red neck hillbilly types (so I'm not sure if this was planned as to play on the all ready popular stereotype of them being a little inbred. Anyway there were two memorable moments in the show:

Firstly, some guy was complaining that on the occasions that he could prise his Shirehorse from his wife(hence the earlier reference) and let it mount him, it would bite his back and neck! OMG what is he on about? He's letting a horse bugger his hick arse and he's worried about it chomping his back and leaving horsey lovebites!

Secondly, and possibly one of the funniest but strangest things ever seen on television. Two middle aged women doing the washing up, gazing out of the window (not so strange so far), add some kind of Kentuckian/HillyBilly accent and a conversation something like this came forth;

woman 1 "I don't know if I prefer sex with ma dawg or ma man"
woman 2 "All depends on the dawg, all depends on the man"
W
Well to say the least we were rolling on the floor in hysterics, it was the dead pan matter of fact way it was all said. As if sex with faithful fido was the most natural thing in the world, come on ladies apart from being closely related to all the men in your trailer park, there must be some that are ok!

Non-Election News

2005-04-29T22:03:00.000Z

As you may or may not know, we Brits are caught in the vice like grip of the last week of election fever..............not! I sometimes think we should take a step in the American direction and have some Las Vegas style rallies, maybe some tag-team wresting events featuring Teflon Tony/John "Bulldog" Prescott vs Michael "The Assassin" Howard/Oliver "Ripper" Letwin vs Charles "The Wolf" Kennedy/The Shadow(*not sure if there is anyone else in the party). Look at the success of the likes of Reagan or even Arnie Shwarzenhowdyouspellitneigarruhruhruh... then again what dynamic actors would we promote into politics Hugh Grant? Not much better, really. So what do we get "the BattleBus" and Seb Coe (middle distance runner). No wonder so many aren't interested in politics here.

However some news that did catch my eye today was the incident involving The Fall Guy.

I'm just amazed! What speed do you have to be doing to fire a BMW (carrying 3 passengers), across a lawn, through a fence, signpost, small tree then hit a regular kerb to launch yourself into the first floor of a house. I'm also surprised they haven't found the third guy who ran off, hint he'll look a bit like Lee Majors!

Crouching Bunny; Hidden Rabbit

2005-04-27T12:14:00.000Z

I was sent this (many of you may of already seen), but it's the first thing that's made me laugh in awhile. Just click on the pic below for some Bunny-Fu!

I'm chuffed

2005-04-21T13:38:00.000Z

Hello again. Today I'm so chuffed as I've justed noticed that whatever music I listen to, my profile pic dances to it perfectly. Ok I haven't tested it with every genre but hey I don't have any Daniel O'Donnell albums (and I'm not going to start downloading one either!). So just turn on your media player, hi-fi or should it now be i-pod and listen away. I'd be interested in knowing the strangest track I shake my booty too.

At the moment I'm listening to the latest Hed Kandi album and I haven't missed a single stompng beat. I completely rocked to The Who and Green Day, and got down to the Bee-Gees like a disco diva.

Oh if you try and make me dance to Celine Dion, any boy band or some of that so called R'n'B stuff I can't be held responsible for any damage to you or your pc.

Still Decorating the Blog

2005-04-13T15:41:00.000Z

Ok here's my next attempt at a new look. Once again still needs tweaking a bit.

As you probably can guess I've not been that busy today, hence why I've had the time to do this!

Yep I made my own backgrounds! They are actually from photo's I took on Bonfire/Guy Fawkes (Nov 5th to the rest of the world), then I just played around creating negative images and stuff. I toyed with the idea of having the actually main text areas transparent, but it all got a bit hard to read (still is in places, I know).

Oh well best get on with some other stuff.

I need some help Llewelyn-Bowen

2005-04-11T22:53:00.000Z

I doubt anyone will of noticed but I've been playing about with the design of the blog. Thing is I can't decide on the colour (notice the "u" my trans-atlantic friends, it's not a spelling mistake, it's the way it's supposed to be spelt. Same as the "ph" in sulphur, (no matter what IUPAC say), otherwise phosphorous would be fosforous and I would of worked for a farmaceutical company (then again with the progress in genetic modifications I suppose the likes of Monsanto are??).

Anyway I've wandered off the subject there. So if any of you have any opinions (on the colour scheme only) please feel free to comment. I'm thinking of getting rid of the oranges, but I still want to stay with the dark background, mmmm may just go monochromatic and keep it all uniform in that way.

Oh and do you like me new profile gif?

Happy Easter

2005-03-25T19:03:00.000Z

Upcoming Book Reviews

2005-02-26T13:08:00.000Z

Here's a list of the books I've recently read so expect some reviews in a bit (if I can be arsed):

Night World: Enchantress by L. J. Smith
The Thief of Always by Clive Barker
Ths Da Vinci Code by Dan Brown
The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time by Mark Haddon
Pompeii by Robert Harris
Gould's Book of Fish: A Novel in 12 Fish by Richard Flanagan

I just feel I should put something quasi-useful on here at some point.

Interestingly Dull Factoid #7 + 8

2005-02-12T00:39:00.000Z

Child Scams

Sorry to break this one to some of you but..... Santa Claus a.k.a. Fr. Christmas [factoid 7] doesn't exist and neither does the Tooth Fairy [factoid8]. They are both infact made up and their duties are performed by one of your parents at the required time i.e. Christmas or when a milktooth drops out.

NB Usually the part of Santa Claus in public places such as the shopping centre/mall or in the department store grotto is played by a hired bum, hence why Santa Claus smells of booze (it's not because of what's left at the bottom of the chimney with the mince pies).

First Computer Game

2005-02-08T15:25:00.000Z

Bored as I have been today, I've been spending sometime playing games on the net. One of my favourite waste away an hour sites is coffeebreakarcade, here I found the classic space invaders. As I was playing this so simple but totally engrossing game, it made me think of probably the very first time I actually ever played a computer game or got my hands on a pooter (excluding my dad's red l.e.d. calculator).

Again my first time was courtesy of my dad. I've no idea how old I was but probably 6 or 7 (nowadays kids come born with fingers clutching at a game controller). It was a Saturday and he took me into work with him for the morning. I can't remember the company but it was in Watford (bottom end nr the what is now the Jag garage). Anyway what I do remember was being sat down in front of this tiny little green screen and told to sit there and play (5 1/4 floppy drive .... not sure probably). I'm not sure how long we were there but I didn't care, it was awesome - it was just totally for me, that I was sure of.

So I don't know for how long, it seemed like many Christmas' and Birthday's passed, I was promised a computer of my very own. But with both myself and my dad wanting the best, we waited. The CommodorePET and VIC20, Apple II's, Sinclair's Spectrum ZX80 and ZX81's all were released, then it happened the Commodore 64 ..... a proper keyboard for starters (but I still can't type), 16 colours, a decent sound chip and wait for it 64 KB of RAM *gasps

I was a happy boy for a very, very longtime with that 64KB.

I can still remember the bundle of games that came with it: Super Gridder, Super DogFight and Hunter. Soon to be followed up by the joystick breaking Daley Thompson's Decathlon - which led my dad to making me a joypad or joybox as I named it (if only he patented the design - basically a box with 5 button/switches: up, down, left, right and fire (if you pulled the fire button up you had auto fire)). Ah the hours I spent waiting for the cassette to load and only to have it syntax error - bliss! To tell you the truth I still have them all in a small suitcase, but I fear the good old C64 has died, I wonder if it could be fixed?

How much fun I had with a £1.99 game bought in WHSmith and Woolworths, come on nowadays how many kids would be over the moon with a cheap game as a present - I was always well chuffed.

So what I want to know is what were your first memories of computer contact, what computers, where, what games etc.......

Why the Bear must go

2005-02-04T13:28:00.000Z

Here' s the true reason why the bear must go:

It's (I wouldn't care to speculate on the gender) a Forever Friends Bear. Enough said. Ok I'll extrapolate abit shall I.

As you may know Forever Friends are huge. They produce these little furry bundles of pure evil by the thousands and then release them onto the unsuspecting public. Everyone thinks they are so harmless and innocent, but within the core of each stands pure concentrated evil. FF are actually the active militant wing of Hallmark (the card producers).
The cards that beep Happy Birthday to you, are actually sending out subliminal messages and bugging your very home.
Take for instance JFK - they did, and that's the mystery reason why no-one could be done for the asassination (apart from poor old Lee Harvey Oswald, who just happened to own one...coincidence?) Elvis didn't die with a burger in his mouth, he was choked by a stuffed bear. Monroe, the night before she died, she had swopped the bear on her dresser for a prototype Monroe doll. Marc Bolan swerved to avoid a cuddly toy only to lose control and hit a tree. The Holy Grail where's that (forget the Da Vinci code) it's locked up in the FF high security bear complex. Area 51 contains amongst the alien corpses a forever friends keychain found on the Moon by Armstrong. Al Queda funded partly by global bear sales.... why not.
These are just a few of the reasons why the bear must go. I know I'm taking many risks by handling this subject, but someone has to start the backlash to the slow and steady global takeover plans by these little b*ggers.

PS This particular bear has several outstanding library books

Bear execution anyone?

2005-02-01T15:44:00.000Z

Ok so the threats of killing the Bear hasn't really worried you lot into leaving any messages. But I think I know what will get you sick, evil lot posting comments.

Just how should I bring about the end of this little bear?

Yes I'm looking for ways to make sure that it's passed on, it has ceased to be. It's expired and gone to meet its maker. I want to make this a late bear. A stiff. Bereft of life, to rest in peace. It would be pushing up the daisies. So that it's rung down the curtain and joined the choir invisible. Basically how can I make this an ex-bear.

PS It's not exactly my bear, so hurry before it get's rescued by it's owner Vics

To all you BE/BC travellers

2005-01-30T17:33:00.000Z

Ok here's the score, I've noticed an increase in traffic to my little blog via BE/BC etc but no-one ever leaves a comment or even says Hello.

I'm not a violent person, but when needs must I can always call on certain contacts or even get my own hands dirty.

So here's the deal, leave a message/comment or the Teddy Bear gets it.

You know it makes sense, my son!

Today's Post for the not-so-patient

2005-01-25T16:45:00.000Z

Today I've Faf-all to say to the world so there!

This makes me so sad

2005-01-23T19:10:00.000Z

I've been doing the whole BE/BC surfing thing tonight and there are so many Blogs out there with pictures of snow and stuff - I'm so seriously jealous. There's never any of that here and my poor old snowboard never gets out to play! Boo Hoo Hoo

So I'm doing an appeal, if you've got any spare snow lying about, post me a message and we can arrange a way of shipping over a ziplock bag full or something.

Congratulations

2005-01-22T17:57:00.000Z

Just a quick note to say Well done and Congratulations to Gary, Julie (especially as she did 99% of the work - I hear G's contribution was only a small part fnarr fnarr), Connal and now their newest family member Olivia Ashleigh Raper. Take a look at his little chunk of cyberspace to see some pics and details.

Again well done to you all, and I hope to be out there soon. She'll do well as we almost share a birthday so she'll be an absolute belter just like moi!

Things I have learnt from children.....

2005-01-16T23:21:00.000Z

I was sent an e-mail with these snippets of learned informationthat I just have to share.

A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 square foot house 4 inches deep.
A 3 year old child's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape.
If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan and tie it to a paint can, it does spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 room.
When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit.
A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
The glass in windows (including double pane windows) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
When you hear the toilet flush along with the words "uh oh," it's already too late.
A six-year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36 year old man says they can only do it in the movies.
Certain Lego blocks will pass through the digestive tract of a 4 year old.
Play-Doh and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.
Super glue is forever.
No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool, you still can't walk on water.
Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
You probably don't want to know what that smell is.
Always look in the oven before you turn it on.
Plastic toys do not like ovens.
The fire department in my town has a 5 minute response time.
The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.
The spin cycle on the washing machine does make cats dizzy, however.
Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

Does anyone else remember....

2005-01-16T21:08:00.000Z

Watoo Watoo

It was a cartoon about an intergalactic bird that just had to save the day. He/She would call out to get other watoo-watoo's and would also multiply by shaking (if my memories are correct). I think it was a Czech (or some Eastern European) creation. Am I the only one that remembers?

Tom Jones - Minister for War?

2005-01-15T07:14:00.000Z

Sex Bomb - US AirForce wanted to create a sex bomb to encourage homosexual feelings amongst the enemy.

What a news story! Ok I saw this link on another Blog whilst doing the 'must get credits thing' on BE or BC and I must apologise as I didn't make a note of the blog at the time - sorry to whoever.
Surely a gaseous viagra/poppers combination is what is called for and my god you wouldn't want to be captured behind enemy lines, well unless your that way inclined. You could also arrange a great decoy/ambush by having a few oiled up marines shouting "oooh chase me, big boy" and then legging it across a minefield!

This news story promoted me to wonder if the Valley's Sex God has had any other subliminal messages in his songs?

Green Green Grass of Home - Welsh Marijuana advertising?
Thunderball - some kind of lottery vision?
Burning Down the House - calling all arsonist to prayer?

I don't know but maybe TJ is somekind of clairvoyant songster?

Free Eye Test

2005-01-14T15:25:00.000Z

I had to go into the next room!

All I wanted was to feel special

2005-01-13T14:14:00.000Z

Wow, I tell you what, that Blogclicker is spreading like wildfire. I signed up last night and now you can't move for referral links on everyones pages - hint hint! I signed up thinking I'd be special and unique as it just wouldn't catch on (surely BlogExplosion had cornered the market), but alas I am so wrong. Good on ya both.

It just shows you how intertwined (or twisted) the blog community is, it's absolutely amazing. Now this is what the net was created for, well and porn, illegal music downloads, selling stuff of shite that nobody should really give a home to etc......

More Blog Traffic?

2005-01-13T01:40:00.000Z

Ok just seen (and signed up) to this. It seems very, very similar to BlogExplosion, so let's see how it goes and if there are any other good reads out there. So I guess I'll be spending even more time surfing the net trying to gain those elusive bonus credits and extra hits. Surely cocaine is less addictive, this blogthing should come with a government health warining.

Interestingly Dull Factoid #6

2005-01-12T23:51:00.000Z

Spearmint Chewy Bar Code

The first item to carry a bar code was Wrigleys Gum.

Interestingly Dull Factoid #5

2005-01-11T15:13:00.000Z

Pyjama - where's that funny word come from , I hear you mutter.

Well like so many English words this was stolen from India. There have been quite a few words that have come from the good ol' days of the Raj my dear boy, ah the days of the Empire, shooting big game, wot wot.
Other such words being Dungaree, Bungalow, Loot and Dinghy.

Makes me wonder what the English language would of been like if it were not for the Romans, Danes, French etc.. (the list is huge) would a blog in English just be Ug, Ug Ug?

Interestingly Dull Factoid #4

2005-01-11T15:04:00.000Z

Banana's in Pyjamas

There is no such thing as a banana tree. Bananas grow on plants. Oh and they don't wear pyjamas at night either - guess it's too hot where they grow.

Mozilla Firefox tweak

2005-01-08T15:49:00.000Z

The tweak below for mozilla'a firefox does appear to work, well pages do seem to load up slightly faster sometimes (depending on the content).

Just reread and what a terrible sentence!

Oh found this, does it work?

2005-01-07T21:20:00.000Z

Here's something for broadband people that will really speed Firefox up:

1.Type "about:config" into the address bar and hit return. Scroll down and look for the following entries:

network.http.pipelining network.http.proxy.pipelining network.http.pipelining.maxrequests

Normally the browser will make one request to a web page at a time. When you enable pipelining it will make several at once, which really speeds up page loading.

2. Alter the entries as follows:

Set "network.http.pipelining" to "true"

Set "network.http.proxy.pipelining" to "true"

Set "network.http.pipelining.maxrequests" to some number like 30. This means it will make 30 requests at once.

3. Lastly right-click anywhere and select New-> Integer. Name it "nglayout.initialpaint.delay" and set its value to "0". This value is the amount of time the browser waits before it acts on information it recieves.

If you're using a broadband connection you'll load pages MUCH faster now!

I just want to know does it really make a difference? After all how much data does the average page hold, even with umpteen links, pics etc.

Whimpering Rant

2005-01-07T20:29:00.000Z

Ok I don't usual put anything much on this little place of mine, but it's about time I wrote something that somebody may (highly unlikely) take the time out to read. I've had the most awful day, and why? Because all day today and now all evening (I can sense it coming), I've been utterly bored stupid - absolutely nothing takes my fancy, even as I type this I can sense me interest fading. I usually hate it when people moan about being bored, after all there is always something that you can be getting on with, surely. Well today I've seen the otherside.

Bored, bored, bored.

Anything on the TV? - I doubt it
Play a game - nope not interested
Read some Blogs - just can't be arsed
Surf the net - yawn.
Read a book - can't concentrate
Go for a walk - no it's wet and cold out
Clean the house - argh where would I start
Chat to someone online - but no-ones on
Music - I've listened to 30 tracks already and can't listen to more than 10 seconds
Pick the fluff from me navel - nah leave it be
Pick up the paints and get creative - no spark present

Anyone got any ideas?

Ok I've polished off the best part of a bottle of vino nondescripto, to try and liven things up. But all that's livened up is next door (sounds like the teenage girls birthday - j-lo pumping out now, and girls screaming "go girl" etc... sounds terribly boring.

Boring sounds like snoring - somthing people do when bored.

Sod this I'm bored, going to stare at the wall or something.

Interestingly Dull Factoid #3

2005-01-06T15:16:00.000Z

Whip crack away, whip crack away!

The noise of of a whip cracking is actually a mini sonic boom as the tip of the whip breaks the sound barrier. - note to self lose the whips and chains.

Random Word of the Day

2005-01-02T13:48:00.000Z

Homunculus

Reason: because that's me, that is!

New Year Tsunami

2004-12-31T17:03:00.000Z

New Years Eve proceedings:

This New Years Eve will be spent with family and freinds and not wasting money going out to expensive pubs/clubs paying for expensive drinks and getting expensive taxis home etc.

So we have all decided to take the money that we would normally spend on an evening like the aforementioned and use it to try and help those less fortunate than ourselves. We will be sending the money to CAF to help all those people left affected by the horrific disaster that occurred in recent days.

I would please urge as many people who are thinking of making a donation (in the UK and US) to make your donation through CAF as the tax you've paid on the money is returned to the charities.

Anyway Party on and may 2005 be a happy and peaceful one for you all.

Christmas Excess

2004-12-31T13:29:00.000Z

Hi all Happy Christmas and a very Peaceful New Year to you all!

Ok I haven't posted over the Christmas period as I've been unable to move due to excessive eating and drinking. I am now comfortably carrying some extra holiday padding and I've just over done it by eating my own body weight in jelly beans in a daft game with my sisiter, trying to find the best and worst combinations. Me thinks the worst combination is just eating so many- i feel decidely sick now.

2004-12-22T15:53:00.000Z

Haloscan commenting and trackback have been added to this blog.

Ok call me sheep - i've added this haloscan comment facility now! not paying though so i've lost all previous comments - wern't that many and none of any really life changing info, but now's your chance to get heard and give me some help please.

Dislike of Christmas?

2004-12-22T15:06:00.000Z

I've found something so funny whilst using BlogExplosion (I can see a chain of links appearing). It may explain why certain people (V especially) have a dislike for the Christmas season!

Anyway here it is Scared of Santa courtesy of Mood Stabiliser.

I think we should all pester V to start a guess which is my pic poll, I reckon it's a close call between number 5 and 12, but the sheer look of disgust makes me think 12!

Random Word of the Day

2004-12-22T14:34:00.000Z

Ungulate

Reason: I like ..ate words (reminds me of wordy and of food) and I found this one when checking the reindeer facts.

My pc sucks........

2004-12-22T14:14:00.000Z

I've come to the conclusion that my pc sucks, well sucks all thoughts from my head. What else can explain that all day and night long I keep having thoughts of good blog entries, some make me chuckle, others are highly thought provoking etc. Then as soon as I sit in front of this darn screen, all thoughts are gone, zip diddly there, vanished in a puff of smoke *poof* so I'm sure it's my pc (must try on another pc).

Maybe it's the machines taking over, maybe they already control our minds and lives already without us even realising - oh a matrix moment, do I take the red pill......

or do I take the blue..............

Help me!

mmmm nice looking pills, oh what happens if you take them both? Are you allowed to operate heavy machinery afterwards?

Interestingly Dull Factoid #2 - Christmas Special

2004-12-18T14:03:00.000Z

Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer

Reindeer and Caribou are actually the same species, that regardless of age or sex wear a rather fetching set of antlers - unlike other deer species where is it is only the gents that wear such head ornaments.

These antlers are always in vogue as a new set are grown each year (antlers being the fastest growing tissue in the animal kingdom).

Not sure why Rudolph has a red nose though - maybe Santa isn't the only one that likes a tipple?

Random Word of the Day

2004-12-18T13:50:00.000Z

Exceptional

Reason: not a very flamboyant word but nevertheless it is just is as it says!

Interestingly Dull Factoid #1

2004-12-12T15:29:00.000Z

Cobblers!
Shoemakers infact, used to perform minor operations such as cataract removal, because they had the skills, strength and more importantly speed (before anaesthetics) with a needle.

Since surgeons became more competent and the introduction of anaesthetics and the need for a more hygenic environment became more popular, shoemakers had to supplement their income in some other way, hence the reason why key cutting has replaced surgical procedures at Mr. Minit

Inkblot Test

2004-12-07T09:41:00.000Z

Well I was just killing some time doing the BlogExplosion thing when I came across a link to an Inkblot test site. Here's what it says about me:

Stefanio, your subconscious mind is driven most by Curiosity

You are full of questions about life, people, and your own potential. You spend more time than others imagining the possibilities for your life — and you're open to things others are too afraid to consider.

You have an almost physical need to know and do more. It's only through new experiences that you feel a greater understanding of yourself and the world. You also have a rebellious streak that shows up when you feel unable to truly influence the world or circumstances around you. Your appetite for novel experiences also shows an openness others don't have, but wish they did.

Your psyche is very rich; the more you learn about it, the more you will understand who you really are.

Scarily enough quite accurate I think. I even really like the inkblot curiosity pic

What are you and what inkblot pics do other types get?

I surprise myself sometimes

2004-12-06T08:40:00.000Z

Today in the news there has been a story about new guidelines for GP's see the bbc website, titled "GPs get new anti-depressant rules" immediately I thought "Are they happy about that?". Enough said!

Buy, Buy, Sell

2004-12-04T04:03:00.000Z

Well I've signed up for this Blogshare thingy - not sure what to actually do yet but 'm sure I'll learn. I'm becoming a bit of a sign up freak at the moment.......just show me the dotted line and here's me mark!

Anyway let's see how this works and i'll post any adventures of my cut and thrust dealings on the Blog market! If any of you guys out there have and experience and hints and tips it would be much appreciated (or is that classified as insider trading?).

Bye bye - off to get my pin strip shirt and red braces.

Where have I been?

2004-11-24T17:43:00.000Z

Hi guys and girls sorry about not posting owt for a while, but there's been a valid reason........ I stumbled across a certain pub with an extended lock-in The pub of my dreams

Random Word of the Day

2004-11-14T09:59:00.000Z

Carinate

Reason: found a copy of Yacht Monthly in a waiting room so has stuck in my mind

What a day!

2004-11-12T22:13:00.000Z

Well what can I say - what a day!

Started off great waking up in bed with a babe, then it went down hill. Firstly I had to leave that warm bed far too early in the day!

Then went ok as I had an induction (found the place and arrived in time - woo hoo), as I've decided to get some extra work to pay off some debts and get a little extra cash for crimbo, so I've signed up with an agency to do some night shifts in a local warehouse (seems like a good and easy way to make a buck).

Then it went bad as I got in this afternoon to find I've some work which I've just gotten in from (9:30pm), so yet another Friday night has passed, I'm knackered and smelly, so I'm off to the bath for a soak.

Sorry if this doesn't read well, my head is swimming (i'll edit it later).

Goo Goo G'joob city

I'm a (the) Daddy

Questions that need answering

The Real Heroes

Solution to so many problems

Lets have a look at what you could have won!

Answers

Please make this film

Aaargh - I hate computers

I want one

The Perfect Birthday Card for My Sis

Taggin' Weird

I was Tagged too!

Knock, Knock

Some people have too little to do

Things I'd like to see

I'm moving to Norway

It's been a while

Transformer, Skiers in Disguise

Lakeland Pics .........at last

To the lakes and beyond

Thank You Google

Great Blogging Tip

Help! .......................Please Please Me

We have snow......just need Yak now

Yak Skiing

No one is Safe Now!

UK Smoking Ban or Beagle Persecution?

Errm...Um...*scratch*....nope

Superb Prank

The Best Blonde Joke In The World Ever!

Question?

Big Brother Wisdom

1001110001000 hits

FBI - can I take your order?

Happy New Year and blah

The Perfect Moment

Re: Article of the Day - Poodle Hybrids

Blast from the Past

CATscan

Research on my Name

Car Woes Gone

Stefanio wants/needs.........

New Features to keep you Entertained

Recent Keyword Analysis

Ok I'm doing it....

I'm back...

Brand New Blog

Robin's Nest update

Watch the Birdie

A funny thing happened on the bus........

Meme thingamajiggies

Art - What were they thinking?

The Nicest Thing I've Heard Recently

Random Word of the Day

It's all about Style and Culture

Strange Times #1

Keyword Analysis Results

Non-Election News

Crouching Bunny; Hidden Rabbit

I'm chuffed

Still Decorating the Blog

I need some help Llewelyn-Bowen

Happy Easter

Upcoming Book Reviews

Interestingly Dull Factoid #7 + 8

First Computer Game

Why the Bear must go

Bear execution anyone?

To all you BE/BC travellers

Today's Post for the not-so-patient

This makes me so sad

Congratulations

Things I have learnt from children.....

Does anyone else remember....

Tom Jones - Minister for War?

Free Eye Test

All I wanted was to feel special

More Blog Traffic?

Interestingly Dull Factoid #6

Errm...Um...scratch....nope