Why the Bear must go

Here' s the true reason why the bear must go:

It's (I wouldn't care to speculate on the gender) a Forever Friends Bear. Enough said. Ok I'll extrapolate abit shall I.

As you may know Forever Friends are huge. They produce these little furry bundles of pure evil by the thousands and then release them onto the unsuspecting public. Everyone thinks they are so harmless and innocent, but within the core of each stands pure concentrated evil. FF are actually the active militant wing of Hallmark (the card producers).
The cards that beep Happy Birthday to you, are actually sending out subliminal messages and bugging your very home.
Take for instance JFK - they did, and that's the mystery reason why no-one could be done for the asassination (apart from poor old Lee Harvey Oswald, who just happened to own one...coincidence?) Elvis didn't die with a burger in his mouth, he was choked by a stuffed bear. Monroe, the night before she died, she had swopped the bear on her dresser for a prototype Monroe doll. Marc Bolan swerved to avoid a cuddly toy only to lose control and hit a tree. The Holy Grail where's that (forget the Da Vinci code) it's locked up in the FF high security bear complex. Area 51 contains amongst the alien corpses a forever friends keychain found on the Moon by Armstrong. Al Queda funded partly by global bear sales.... why not.
These are just a few of the reasons why the bear must go. I know I'm taking many risks by handling this subject, but someone has to start the backlash to the slow and steady global takeover plans by these little b*ggers.

PS This particular bear has several outstanding library books