Tuesday, February 26, 2008

I'm a (the) Daddy

Monday, October 29, 2007

Questions that need answering

Do day old Prawn Crackers change their name and become Prawn Chewies?

Tuesday, August 07, 2007

The Real Heroes

Wednesday, July 04, 2007

Solution to so many problems

It seems as if every other week there is a news report about how our prisons are over crowded, so convicted felons are are having to be released early to allow new in, or worse still just being given cautions or fines etc...

Well I have the solution, bring in an eight hour shift pattern and send the inmates to work (ideally in chain gangs - after all who can cause trouble after eight hours hard labour), cleaning up the streets (the country is a mess), repairing the transport networks or other menial tasks that the government is always harping on about that there are not enough resources or manpower to cope with the demand. In fact it could create more jobs as extra guards would be required to supervise.

This way the inmates are contributing back to society rather than getting a free ride in prison, getting an education (I'd love to be able to study for free), playing PlayStation's, learning new hot wiring/lock picking skills or getting drunk or high on the bountiful drugs and booze apparently available in the prisons. Yes they can be paid for the work but this means they have to give say a generous 100% to the prisons for their bed and board (after all it costs to house one prisoner in the region of £40K per annum) also in some cases some of the earned money could be paid to the victims of crime as compensation. After all crime is sometimes contributed to the fact that people don't have anything to do - well now they have something to do.

In reality each two man cell could house three (a shift pattern of say 2pm-10pm, 10pm-6am, 6am-2pm) - this increases possible prison placement by a third. If needed be send em out on 12 hour shifts and you could double the prison capacity , and at least then prison would be more of a punishment and possible deterrent.

It's a great solution, everyone wins. The prison places increase (at no real extra cost), a prison sentence becomes more of a deterrent than it currently is, the tax payer saves money and much needed improvements to the country can happen. Okay your going to get all these namby pamby human rights do gooders complaining, but surely they have forfeited their rights by committing the crime. Anyhow most people work 8-10hr days so it's no different really. I'm not saying house them in dungeons, just make them work hard to pay for their keep.

There that was an easy one to sort out, now let's try for world peace.

Monday, June 25, 2007

Lets have a look at what you could have won!

Just came across something that I just have to share (with all 2 of you that occasionally read this).


Just how cool is this, you can be a contestant on all those really good but cheesy game shows of yesteryear that you always secretly wanted to be on such as:

The Price is Right with that squeaky voiced guy - shame it should of been Leslie Crowther really.

Bullseye with Jim "Keep out of the black and in the red, nothing in this game for 2 in a bed" Bowen.

Blockbusters with Bob "can I have a 'P' please" Holness.

Countdown with the Des Lynam and Carol Vorderman - again would of been superb with the late great Richard Whiteley.

CatchPhrase with Roy "say what you see" Walker.

Family Fortunes with Vernon Kay again should of been Bob Monkhouse or Max Bygraves.

They are all really well done and spliced with good quality video footage (even the ad breaks between rounds are true to real TV here in the UK).

The humour is still there with them, even the really poor prizes on Bullseye.

It brings up the question of who are the real icons in society today? Big Brother/X factor contestants, The Beckhams etc who are these people compared to the iconic heroes of Holness, Bygraves, Bowen, Whiteley and Crowther. Bring back the game show - this reality TV rubbish is dead, past it's sell by date. Our TV viewing needs to be led by great figureheads, welcoming us with an instantly recognisable catchphrase and holding our hands as we oooh and aaah our way through the prize selection on a Saturday night. We don't want to be entertained by mediocre show offs grasping for fame by any means, we want to see the sheetmetal worker from Wolverhampton winning a speedboat that he has absolutely no use for.

Take a look, pull on those Farah trousers, splash on the Brut, crack open a can of Skol or pour yourself a Snowball and pretend it's 1984 all over again.

Wednesday, June 20, 2007


I just read this blog entry of K.Restoule

Here are some my answers to help his obviously tormented mind.

1) Yes and they stink to the high heavens above.

2) So you can keep an eye out for it and not leave bear poop footprints on the living room rug.

3) All those after dinner speeches I expect.

4) This would take a whole new list to cover.

5) To help people with speech impediments I guess.

6) Prince or Prince Will?

7) No idea never seen him angry.

8) This a good one so settle down:

Once upon a time, there was a meeting of all dogs in all the world. As each dog entered the great hall they each removed their tails and hung them on the tail hooks provided (makes sitting down for long periods easier).

Now unknown to the dogs the cats had heard about this meeting and decided on causing a bit of mayhem by setting off the fire gongs. So on hearing this the dogs all jumped up and ran from the building (to the appropriate fire meeting points) and whilst passing the hooks they all grabbed a tail.

Now in the rush the tails had been mixed up and they all had to check each others tails to find their own (some have never been found). So since that day dogs check each others tails to make sure they have the right one and as a symbolic gesture of that event. Also this is why the dogs have it in for cats now as they have been stuck with a smelly greeting rather than a pawshake or nose rub.

9) Yeah especially when the tin can be mixed up with that expanding foam filler (a very dangerous prank), but it doe shave more flavour.

10) Used to make me smile too until I saw "Naked Lunch".

11) He's a tight arse with out phone credits.

12) The law of probability states that the first was so bad the second can only get better. Or was it that the Ethnic Cultural Cinema Society had some money left over at the end of the tax year so they gave it to the rednecks.

13) I didn't know she had an apartment in your block.

The last two I have no idea on.

There I hope that is some help to you K.

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

Please make this film

Friday, May 18, 2007

Aaargh - I hate computers

I've been playing about with a few new operating systems at home. Namely Windows Vista Home Premium, Ubuntu (Feisty Fawn), Debian (Sarge and Etch) and I've come to the conclusion that things are getting harder and harder with regards to driver support.

Either hardware is too old (re my webcam and Vista) or just not supported (Creative X-fi soundcard and Ubuntu), or sata drives aren't supported without fiddling about with floppy disk (most of the pc's I have do not have now) or slipstreaming the drivers onto the disc(re XP etc). Bring back the Commodore64, I don't mind having to turn the cassette tape over halfway through install or even having to rewind and start again at the read error, it had an OS that worked!

Ok so the pc isn't exactly your standard run of the mill, it's a real mix of old and new, [AMD Opteron 265 processor, Compro Video dual tv-tuner card, Creative X-fi soundcard, Nvidia 7600GT graphics etc... all in a nice Silverstone HTPC case] all I want to do is make a decent media pc so that we can record and watch tv, dvd's etc.

Ok I know the scope of drivers required is getting larger all the time, but come on. I'd really like Creative to pull their finger out and get some Linux drivers out for their range of soundcards (not even new been around for at least a year or more). Then I could use the Vista on my other pc so as to take advantage of future DirectX10 capabilities in games etc.

All I want is everything and now, is this so bad.

I suppose whilst I'm at the install stage I might aswell have a look at the copy of Longhorn provided the download completed.

Thursday, May 10, 2007

I want one

This is going to the top of my Christmas wishlist

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

The Perfect Birthday Card for My Sis

Funny card

I saw this and laughed so much in the shop, there were tears in my eyes and I had to move from the display so that the lady next to me wouldn't spy the stupid card I had just picked up.

It is the perfect card for my sis on her birthday, as it depicts a scene from her/Vics* and their boyfriends future ........... The Day when all the fart jokes become insignificant.

You see at the moment we have a running joke about whose boyfriend/girlfriend* is the most flatulent - I probably win by a nose.

To me this is almost the perfect joke, it sets up a scene of such seemingly simple sincerity and expectation then smashes it down with the absurd and slightly gross (but not too offensive), all in three lines.

(*delete as appropriate)