Saturday, February 26, 2005

Upcoming Book Reviews

Here's a list of the books I've recently read so expect some reviews in a bit (if I can be arsed):

Night World: Enchantress by L. J. Smith
The Thief of Always by Clive Barker
Ths Da Vinci Code by Dan Brown
The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time by Mark Haddon
Pompeii by Robert Harris
Gould's Book of Fish: A Novel in 12 Fish by Richard Flanagan

I just feel I should put something quasi-useful on here at some point.

Saturday, February 12, 2005

Interestingly Dull Factoid #7 + 8

Child Scams

Sorry to break this one to some of you but..... Santa Claus a.k.a. Fr. Christmas [factoid 7] doesn't exist and neither does the Tooth Fairy [factoid8]. They are both infact made up and their duties are performed by one of your parents at the required time i.e. Christmas or when a milktooth drops out.

NB Usually the part of Santa Claus in public places such as the shopping centre/mall or in the department store grotto is played by a hired bum, hence why Santa Claus smells of booze (it's not because of what's left at the bottom of the chimney with the mince pies).

Tuesday, February 08, 2005

First Computer Game

Bored as I have been today, I've been spending sometime playing games on the net. One of my favourite waste away an hour sites is coffeebreakarcade, here I found the classic space invaders. As I was playing this so simple but totally engrossing game, it made me think of probably the very first time I actually ever played a computer game or got my hands on a pooter (excluding my dad's red l.e.d. calculator).

Again my first time was courtesy of my dad. I've no idea how old I was but probably 6 or 7 (nowadays kids come born with fingers clutching at a game controller). It was a Saturday and he took me into work with him for the morning. I can't remember the company but it was in Watford (bottom end nr the what is now the Jag garage). Anyway what I do remember was being sat down in front of this tiny little green screen and told to sit there and play (5 1/4 floppy drive .... not sure probably). I'm not sure how long we were there but I didn't care, it was awesome - it was just totally for me, that I was sure of.

So I don't know for how long, it seemed like many Christmas' and Birthday's passed, I was promised a computer of my very own. But with both myself and my dad wanting the best, we waited. The CommodorePET and VIC20, Apple II's, Sinclair's Spectrum ZX80 and ZX81's all were released, then it happened the Commodore 64 ..... a proper keyboard for starters (but I still can't type), 16 colours, a decent sound chip and wait for it 64 KB of RAM *gasps

I was a happy boy for a very, very longtime with that 64KB.

I can still remember the bundle of games that came with it: Super Gridder, Super DogFight and Hunter. Soon to be followed up by the joystick breaking Daley Thompson's Decathlon - which led my dad to making me a joypad or joybox as I named it (if only he patented the design - basically a box with 5 button/switches: up, down, left, right and fire (if you pulled the fire button up you had auto fire)). Ah the hours I spent waiting for the cassette to load and only to have it syntax error - bliss! To tell you the truth I still have them all in a small suitcase, but I fear the good old C64 has died, I wonder if it could be fixed?

How much fun I had with a £1.99 game bought in WHSmith and Woolworths, come on nowadays how many kids would be over the moon with a cheap game as a present - I was always well chuffed.

So what I want to know is what were your first memories of computer contact, what computers, where, what games etc.......

Friday, February 04, 2005

Why the Bear must go

Here' s the true reason why the bear must go:

It's (I wouldn't care to speculate on the gender) a Forever Friends Bear. Enough said. Ok I'll extrapolate abit shall I.

As you may know Forever Friends are huge. They produce these little furry bundles of pure evil by the thousands and then release them onto the unsuspecting public. Everyone thinks they are so harmless and innocent, but within the core of each stands pure concentrated evil. FF are actually the active militant wing of Hallmark (the card producers).
The cards that beep Happy Birthday to you, are actually sending out subliminal messages and bugging your very home.
Take for instance JFK - they did, and that's the mystery reason why no-one could be done for the asassination (apart from poor old Lee Harvey Oswald, who just happened to own one...coincidence?) Elvis didn't die with a burger in his mouth, he was choked by a stuffed bear. Monroe, the night before she died, she had swopped the bear on her dresser for a prototype Monroe doll. Marc Bolan swerved to avoid a cuddly toy only to lose control and hit a tree. The Holy Grail where's that (forget the Da Vinci code) it's locked up in the FF high security bear complex. Area 51 contains amongst the alien corpses a forever friends keychain found on the Moon by Armstrong. Al Queda funded partly by global bear sales.... why not.
These are just a few of the reasons why the bear must go. I know I'm taking many risks by handling this subject, but someone has to start the backlash to the slow and steady global takeover plans by these little b*ggers.

PS This particular bear has several outstanding library books

Tuesday, February 01, 2005

Bear execution anyone?

Ok so the threats of killing the Bear hasn't really worried you lot into leaving any messages. But I think I know what will get you sick, evil lot posting comments.

Just how should I bring about the end of this little bear?

Yes I'm looking for ways to make sure that it's passed on, it has ceased to be. It's expired and gone to meet its maker. I want to make this a late bear. A stiff. Bereft of life, to rest in peace. It would be pushing up the daisies. So that it's rung down the curtain and joined the choir invisible. Basically how can I make this an ex-bear.

PS It's not exactly my bear, so hurry before it get's rescued by it's owner Vics